Hi Philliecia! I decided to create this blog as a way for us to communicate and collate what we do over the semester. Anyway, here is the first activity I'd like you to complete! Don't worry, I'm going to participate as well. Just post your response as a comment below this post. Have fun!
Adapted from Writer to Writer: From Think to Ink by Gail Carson Levine (p. 191)
Pick a paragraph in a favorite book (tell me the title/author in the post) and rewrite it at least three different ways using different word choices. Think about using bigger words or shorter words. Consult a thesaurus. You probably won’t be able to change every word. Now see if you notice repeated sentence structures within the paragraph. If you do, recast them. Decide which way you like best. You may improve upon the master. Although it's okay if the revisions are silly. Mine likely will be. Post the original paragraph and the revision you think is best as a comparison.
Reflection: What did this exercise teach you about word choice and sentence structure?
Adapted from Writer to Writer: From Think to Ink by Gail Carson Levine (p. 191)
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| Photo credit: Harper Collins |
Pick a paragraph in a favorite book (tell me the title/author in the post) and rewrite it at least three different ways using different word choices. Think about using bigger words or shorter words. Consult a thesaurus. You probably won’t be able to change every word. Now see if you notice repeated sentence structures within the paragraph. If you do, recast them. Decide which way you like best. You may improve upon the master. Although it's okay if the revisions are silly. Mine likely will be. Post the original paragraph and the revision you think is best as a comparison.
Reflection: What did this exercise teach you about word choice and sentence structure?
In the Pursuit of Joi A Novel by Olivia Renee Wallace
ReplyDeleteoriginal paragraph
I had dreamed about her again. As much as I would've loved to go back to sleep for another half hour, I knew it would be impossible. Tiona had hacked into my dreams again. I had gone a long time, years actually, without thinking or dreaming of her. But I guess her ghost felt the need to come out of retirement, because she had been creeping into my dream regularly for several weeks. My dreams of her always left me shaken to my core.
My Revision
I fantasized about her once more. As much as I would've cherished an additional slumber for a moiety hour, I knew it was unattainable. Tiona invaded my dreams again. It's been years since I thought or dreamed about her. I guess her spirit felt the need to come out of retirement because she had been sneaking into my dreams frequently for several weeks. The visions of her constantly left me trembling to my core.
Reflection: This exercise taught me that word choice and sentence structure is very important because as a writer is important that you can clearly convey the message that you are trying to convey and it has to sound right, look grammatically correct, and it has to make sense or else the reader is not going to understand or read you work correctly. Plus, I learned that as a writer you have to be ready to revise and revise and revise some more and you have to be willing to let go of certain words to make room for better words that way your work can be interpreted better. I enjoyed this activity and it challenged me and I loved this activity. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
Hey! You're so right. When writing, word choice and sentence structure (formally known as diction and syntax) are key to creating the world we want our readers to inhabit. There's a beauty in finding the right way to convey meaning through words. Experimenting with structure is just one way to manipulate the tone and pace in what we are writing. Sometimes, we may find that there is only one way that really works to convey something. Anyway, here is my "revision."
DeleteLirael by Garth Nix
Original
Deep within a dream, Lirael felt someone stroking her forehead. A gentle, soft touch, a cold hand upon her own fevered skin. She felt herself smile, enjoying the touch. Then the dream shifted, and her forehead wrinkled. The touch was no longer soft and loving, but rough and rasping. No longer cool, but hot, burning her—
Revision
Immersed in a reverie, Lirael felt someone patting her temple. A tender, light caress, a chill hand upon her own over-hot skin. She felt herself grin, reveling in the caress. Then the reverie altered, and her temple creased. The caress was no longer tender and benevolent, but coarse and grating. No longer chill, but fiery, searing her—
Hey! Yes I totally agree with you. I read your post and I love it. I also noticed that revising can be very challenging and sometimes you won't be able to change a word in a sentence to stand out more because depending on the other words you choose it might not make sense or sound right. I wonder what else we are going to do. I want to dive into books that I can read that will help me grow more as a writer, but I'm also open to doing whatever it is that you have planned next for us. As far as books, I was into drama stories,but I do realize that I need to expand what I read about. So what authors and books do you think I would need to know about?
DeleteI'm hoping I addressed your question about authors and books in the second post! But, if you like, I can put together a reading list and have it on the blog. I also want to share what I'm reading currently, both for fun and for the MFA program. So stay tuned!
DeleteYou did address my question about authors and books in the second post. I would really like if you put together a reading list. That's fine, I would like to know what you are reading for fun as well as the MFA program. I will!
Delete